Thank Christ the Christmas New Year holidays are almost over; I need to relax. Just settling down after Christmas dinner with the family, full to the gills with prawns and pudding, when Uncle Eric (Intrepid Eric) decides we should all go for a “digestive” hike – to Tasmania! And I’d come out in me thongs!

Two days out we got lost – brother didn’t bring all of the compass points. I felt a bit guilty because I’d seen magnetic north holding the rate notice on the fridge door but how was I to know Eric didn’t know the way to Tasmania? Anyway, Aunt Judith said she would go back and get them and we never saw her again (she's no dill). Four days out we ran out of olives for the martinis so we smashed up the cocktail cabinet for firewood.  Five days out, weather was hot and things were getting a bit stiff. “Is anybody going to take a bath?” I asked. No one replied in the affirmative so I threw the fukken thing in a creek bed and pressed on. While it wasn’t a particularly hard slog after that it did get a bit damp towards the end. Unfortunately, when we arrived in Tasmania it was dark and they were in their dressing gowns, putting out the wheelie bins.  Perhaps we shouldn’t have stopped for that balsamic yoga session – it dragged on a bit. Still, it’s all over now, and if Uncle Eric has another idea like that next year we have agreed to beat him senseless with the hambone.

Now to business, bands and gigs.

First offering is the Streamliners who will be caressing the air molecules with beautiful noise at the Semaphore Workers Club (Esplanade, Semaphore Beach on Friday, January 15th.

Next up is pan!c at the Daniel O’Connell Hotel, North Adelaide.  9pm kick off – don’t be late; the lads have got a lot of music to get through and they don't want to be repeating anything you might have missed just because you were still at home fooling around with porn on your laptop.

 Warp Factor Five will be going to the dogs on Thursday January 21 - literally. They will be doing a blast-off at the Greyhound Races. Why don't you get along to see the doggies chase the bunny and listen to Warp Factor Five. Why don't you put some money on the dog races? Why don't you give it to me and I'll put it on for you, eh? Why don't I go and get fucked, eh? Eh?

Then we have the weekly double from Sweet Baby James and Rob Eyers, El Supremos avec les Cyans…...

Thursday, January 21 SWEET BABY JAMES & ROB EYERS at the Gilbert St Hotel (7pm)

 Monday, January 25, SWEET BABY JAMES & ROB EYERS is at the Exeter on Rundle.

Amber Joy Poulton and the Holy Men will be poking sticks at snakes and rabbits in Tamworth with the Honky Tonk Angels show and Amber Joy’s own musical offerings while Rohan Powell will be swinging his bass balls to the tunes from BLACK – the Lighter Side of Johnny Cash.

Then… on January 26, a skinned back version of The Great Aussie Hitmen will be entertaining the revellers at the Beach House Cafe in Victor Harbor – the evening session, somewhere around 6 to 8. I will get the address of the place sorted but I reckon if you go to Victor Harbor and turn right you can't miss it.

The FRINGE is flopping in our eyes.

While I have you here… the Fringe is approaching at the speed of a stolen Commodore. Get tickets now for Amber Joy Poulton and the Honky Tonk Angels show or there will be a tear in your beer. Amber has supplied a link to the very place where you can get cheap tickets.The link is http://www.talkfringe.com.au and click on Support Acts $10.